Lost in the darkness as the dawn broke the horizon, I found myself caught between insomnia and apathy, the weight of the world on my chest. Despite scrolling through volumes of wisdom about hope, faith, and patience, my aching soul remained untouched. As I drifted into the abyss of my thoughts, seeking peace and peaceful sleep, the last words I read echoed, “My future is in God’s hands”. However, my heavy eyes saw it as “my failure is in God’s hands.” What? Wide awake again.
Who associates failure with God? He is perfect, He doesn’t make mistakes, He doesn’t fail. Failure is a human thing – a force that tears me away from God. In my seasons of weakness, my doubt and frustrations shed meditations of God’s truth like spring rains pelting the tin roof overhead.
God intimately knows the state of my soul, my heart, and my mind. He molded me and continues to do so with His gentle (and at times not so gentle) hands. He understands my impatience, lack of faith, and my doubt of not seeing answers to certain questions asked. He knows when I fall, when I fail, and He loves me anyway. When darkness consumes me, He is there to turn darkened clouds into a gentle morning mist, a fresh dew to adorn the leaves and to warm my face with the radiant light of the rising sun, and even more so of the Risen Son.
In this journey of faith, through doubts and struggles, let us find solace in God’s abundant love for His children. My cup overflows.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:22-26
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