Wait of a Heavy Heart

I awoke with a dark cloud over my head like a Saturday morning cartoon. It is not unusual to arise with a song in mind, but this morning it shook me. The song was Homesick by Mercy Me.

You’re in a better place I heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you.

It’s a funeral song. No! I won’t let the darkness overtake me. So, I faced it and sang it through,

In Christ there are no goodbyes.
In Christ there is no end
So, I’ll hold on the Jesus with all that I have
To see you again, to see you again.

 I close my eyes, and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow,
I’ve never been as homesick as now.

I don’t believe in omens, but I do hear God whispers, and I am terrified that I will need the song today. I got up as soon as I could to get the day started because standing still would only add to the anxiety.

Returning from morning chores, I woke my wife with a kiss to make sure she was still breathing. A daughter too far away and a father-in-law in his 90s held my heart in their grip. I’ll be holding my breath until I hear from them.

I asked the Lord to carry this weight and hold us close no matter what the day had in store.

A sweet friend told of her sister who is fighting the battle with cancer. All we can do is pray and let God do the rest. While it is true, it did not ease my heavy heart.

Pastor Greg Laurie once said, “Because of our belief in a risen Savior, in the love of Jesus who defeated death, our future with those we’ve loved and lost is infinitely longer than our short past.” We will see them again.

In Christ we have hope if we truly believe what we say we believe. But it is little comfort for the darkness that grips me now.

Lord, hold my heart. Carry this burden. Take my fear. You are Almighty, Lord of all things. You know what stands before me today and tomorrow, and You will carry me through. My heart is heavy, but You know its weight.

 

Hold me Jesus ‘cause I’m shaking like a leaf.
You have been my King of Glory
Come and be my Prince of Peace.
                        – Rich Mullins

Amen …

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